


Strings Attached

by sleepyowlet



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-03-10
Updated: 2012-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:37:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyowlet/pseuds/sleepyowlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The strange story of a Ranger. The civil war on Minbar is over, and to cement the new, still fragile peace, the Grey Council comes up with the idea of a political marriage. This story is very Minbari-centric, and has a lot of OCs and minor characters. Not betaed - if you'd like to, please contact me!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: JMS wrote everything B5, Warner Brothers® gave it a place to stay (at least for a while, sigh) nothing here is mine, (well perhaps Andrea and a few secondary charas – but who'd want them anyway – oh, and Mr. Purrcel; he'd be welcome to move in with me any time.) and I'm not earning any money with this (only dark looks from various people when I'm writing this story instead of doing things I should do...)
> 
> Most Minbari names and phrases are from the Hightower Minbari Dictionary.
> 
> A.N.: This is all Knuffeltiger's fault anyway. Also, thank you, Elli, for handholding and cheerleading! ^^
> 
> Oh, and Marcus lives. *blows raspberry* It's not really relevant to the story, I just like seeing him alive. Oh, this is as of yet unbetaed. Volunteers? I really would appreciate the help.
> 
> ,__,  
> {Ovo}  
> /)::::)  
> -"- -"-

 

_**Strings Attached**  
_

_by owlet_

_  
_

Tuzanor is a great place to be. Temperate climate, beautiful landscape, and the wounds of the Minbari civil war had healed quite quickly (a bit like their skin, really - strange that); so the architecture was as awe-inspiring as it had been before the conflict. Tuzanor is where my story started, a story I will tell because I want it to be known in my own words, my own version of the things that happened, my truth, not to be changed or manipulated by certain people (you know who you are) to serve their own ends.

So Tuzanor, or to be more precise, the Ranger training-facility there. It was built into a natural basin in the rocky landscape, a magnificent waterfall on one end (divided into two parts by the temple) and lots of green protected by the steep cliffs on every side. It was easy to defend if the enemy didn't come with flying vehicles – we had found that out the hard way during the civil war. The human part of the Anla'Shok was an offence to the Warrior Caste, and so we had to suffer trough many attacks, but we gave them bloody noses every time – sometimes it had been close, though. I hadn't really distinguished myself there, I was the keeper of the archives. Not that I can't fight, but I've never been really good at it. My talents lay elsewhere, in the finding of information for example, or the shushing of trainees in the library.

During these tense times I had made three friends. Whenever I tell somebody about my Musketeers, they ask me if I had deliberately set out to collect a set. Because in a way they are, all three of them Minbari females and one from each caste. The stoic Tavin ra Fi'sularae (Star Riders Clan) was like most of her clan a warrior. Sovann raMirshai (Parish Priests) was our voice of reason, contradictory though she was – even though she was the eldest among us, she could be the most childlike; just as Laval ra Fi'irilmer (Starship Crafters), a brilliant mechanic, could be the most childish. The civil war that had broken the castes' peaceful coexistence had been the forge of our bond. The universe sometimes was strange like that.

Perhaps it had worked because these mad times had been equally hard on all of us; I was cut off from my family on Earth where another civil war was happening, Laval lost almost all of her family (universal constant: in a war the workers usually pay the highest price), Sovann because she saw almost everything she believed in shatter around her, and Tavin because her family shunned her for staying with the Rangers, who were due to Delenn's leadership more or less affiliated to the Religious Caste.

So we became the Musketeers. My friends were quite amused, and adopted the name for our group with enthusiasm, the ritual touch of the weapons and the "one for all, and all for one" touched them in a way. We even spent many an evening taking turns to read the novel to each other; I had to answer many questions of course. Tavin replaced a drill-master who had died in one of the attacks, Sovann had her duties in the temple, Laval fixed things. The civil war was eventually over and the new Grey Council mulled over several possibilities of how to cement the still fragile peace.

Life was good.

At least it was until one afternoon in the early summer (on Minbar anyway) of the year 2262.

I remember it very well, it was raining and we had secluded ourselves in the library to listen to one of the clan-legends that Tavin liked to tell, when Ranger Cole entered.

"Ladies, I've got news for you; and they are not necessarily good news."

I leant forward, elbows propped against the library desk.

"The Grey Council has decided on something," I guessed.

Cole looked at me.

"Yes and they decided that the Warrior Caste as such and the Rangers should get a lot closer. This would be a good thing, we could coordinate our efforts better."

"That would be desirable. We could fight more efficiently," Tavin said, straightening her tall frame as she did so. Hm.

"Er, yes. So it has been decided that one of the clan-leaders should take a suitable Ranger as a mate."

Silence. Ah well. Trust the Minbari to fall back on something like that in times of trouble.

"Who will it be," Laval asked cautiously.

"Shai Alyt Coplann of the Moon Shields volunteered, and he will arrive in two days."

I swallowed.

"Not counting the trainees, we are the only females here at the moment," Tavin said sounding a little nervous. That surprised me, usually she stayed calm, no matter what.

I fiddled with my pin.

"When I came here I was prepared to fight, and if necessary, to die. But I wouldn't have thought I would have to render these kinds of services. Well not specifically me in this instance – I'm human, he wouldn't choose me; but my friends. It seems wrong."

Ranger Cole sighed.

"I know. I'm not exactly happy with this myself. Especially since you can't say no, if he chooses you; that might disrupt the peace."

"We are aware of our duties, Anla'Shok Cole," Tavin said looking very perturbed indeed.

"All right, try to have a nice afternoon anyway," Cole said with a lopsided grin and left the library.

I turned to Tavin.

"You're afraid he'll chose you."

"I am the logical choice, Andrea. I am Anla'Shok, but I am also of the Warrior Caste," she answered avoiding my eyes.

"But you are thinking of courting a certain young Fire Wing, no?"

"I am. But I will do my duty anyway."

The cogwheels in my head started to move and came to rest with a resounding click.

I sighed.

"Tavin, I might have a solution for you. For all of us actually. It may dearly cost us, It might even get us expelled from the Rangers, but we won't be bound to anyone without our consent."

"How?"

"Whenever we're in public we'll be the most incompetent idiots imaginable. You know, be clumsy, drop things, do stupid things, fight like beginners. We'll only be safe, if he doesn't want us, so we'll behave abominably until he decides to leave and look elsewhere for a female who'll have him."

Tavin's lips twitched.

"How ... human."

I beamed at her.

"Exactly. But this will take some hard work. We'll have to disguise our expertise in just about anything; we'll have to practise that or we might be too obvious. Our superiors are going to be very unhappy with us; we'll need to weather that. And most importantly we need to stick together. One for all..."

"...and all for one," they chorused and we linked our hands across the table.

So the evening saw four cloaked figures sneaking into the training rooms.

It was hard at first going against our instincts and let blows land (I in particular had problems with that, my bruises lasted for days, on Minbari skin they disappeared within an hour) and Tavin's blows hurt a lot, even if she pulled them. But she was getting better at being worse and a while later we all had the grandest time stumbling over invisible dead turtles.

We went to bed with lighter hearts; it was always better to have a plan, even if it may not work.

So we met in secret whenever we could and practised; Laval was especially fun to watch – she was as adorable as a courting gok.

...


	2. Chapter 2

  


Title: Strings Attached

Author: owlet

Rating: M (maybe not really, I just want to be sure)

Disclaimer: JMS wrote everything B5, Warner Brothers® gave it a place to stay (at least for a while, sigh) nothing here is mine.

 

 

 **2**

So there he was; and there we were standing attention in Sech Turval's office trying to look collected. Well, me trying, my Minbari co-conspirators succeeding. I will always envy them their poise and dignity, I suppose. Sech Turval introduced us and we bowed, then he asked Sovann to serve the tea he'd prepared and we settled around a table waiting for her.

I was watching the Shai Alyt through my eyelashes the whole time; know thine enemy and all that. He wasn't unpleasant to look at, I suppose, by Minbari standards; tall, slender (at least I supposed he was under all that bulk of the traditional uniform), a fluid grace in his movements. But there was something scary about him too; he was definitely not someone to cross. Too bad that we were planning to do just that.

Sovann reappeared with the tea, and as tradition commanded served the Shai Alyt first since he was a guest.

The cup slipped from her fingers, and the scalding liquid landed in Coplann's lap. Everyone was frozen in shock as he jumped to his feet, hissing. The delicate little priestess began to apologize profusely, her voice unsteady and tears in her eyes. Sech Turval grabbed a napkin and gave it to the swearing warrior who started to dab at his robes.

"I apologize, Shai Alyt, for this most unfortunate accident. Perhaps you would like to retire to your quarters and change; we can meet in the training rooms as soon as you are ready," Sech Turval suggested with an angry look at Sovann who seemed to shrink a little.

"That is acceptable," Coplann said with a terse nod, and left with what was left of his dignity.

"And you get yourselves to the training rooms, I will clean up here," Sech Turval said, and turned to his task mumbling angrily to himself.

We fled his office and I glanced at Sovann. Her eyes were still full of tears, and she was still shaking.

With laughter.

I gave her an incredulous look.

"Sovann!"

"You should have seen your faces. Of course it had to be me – he would have suspected anyone else. But the timid little priestess deliberately dousing him with hot tea? No, not possible."

We joined her laughter, and went to the training rooms. The Shai Alyt reappeared just as we were finished warming up.

"Now let me see what else you are capable off," he said snidely moving to stand beside Sech Turval who had arrived a few minutes earlier.

Right, show time.

We paired off, Tavin standing in front of me.

"Begin," Sech Turval commanded and we obeyed.

If I may say so, we outdid ourselves. Sovann and Laval pretended to try and hit each other with their aim terribly off, so their staves hardly ever connected. Tavin and I were locked in a sort of I-Am-Worse-than-You combat trying to outdo each other in sheer incompetence, moving perfectly through the traditional forms, but using them in the completely wrong moments. I really had fun until I looked at the face of the Shai Alyt.

Uh-oh.

"Enough!"

The word came like a whiplash and the four of us flinched and hurriedly moved to stand in line, heads down.

"This is disgraceful! You are a shame to your teachers and should never have been allowed to even touch a den'bok! Especially you, Tavin. You are a Star Rider! And you are not even able to defeat a human! Or is that why you did not return to your clan and stayed with the Anla'Shok in the latest conflict, because you are a disgrace to them?"

Tavin had started to tremble and her mouth was a razor-thin line. I had to put a stop to this.

"Leave her alone!"

He turned to me, an incredulous expression on his face.

"Leave her alone. She followed the calling of her heart when she joined the Rangers. You would have no right to question her decision to remain with us, even if she was of your clan, which she is not. So. Lay. Off."

Now I had his attention. I had to force myself not to take a step back as he closed in on me, dark eyes burning.

I am a Ranger. I walk in the dark places no others will enter. I stand on the bridge that no one may pass.

Seemed like this particular bridge was mine to guard.

"You dare to raise your voice against me?"

I swallowed and lowered my eyes. Tactical retreat sounded like a good idea right now; he looked as if he was about to snap me in half.

"I apologize, Shai Alyt, for raising my voice."

Then I looked back up and swallowed again.

"But I will not apologize for my words. They were true, and you know it. It is not your right to judge Tavin, it is not your right to judge any of us."

We stared at each other for a moment.

"We will see. But I think I have seen enough for now," he said quietly, turned on his heel in one fluid motion and left the training area.

I deflated a little and looked around. Tavin looked grim, Sovann and Laval were bug-eyed.

Sech Turval looked murderous.

"What were you thinking? Do you know what consequences your stupidity could have had?"

I fidgeted a little.

"I'm sorry, Sech Turval, I didn't really think, I just reacted."

"Explain."

I looked at Tavin.

"Tavin was unable to defend herself. She is Minbari, she will accept everything thrown at her by her superiors. I'm human, and I'm still unable to go against my nature. That makes me an interesting person but a mediocre Anla'Shok. I had to protect my friend, that's what my instincts told me to do."

There, make some sense of that, I thought.

"Hmph. And as to why he criticised you; I have taught you myself, seen you train countless times during the last years. I know that you can do better than what you have just shown the Shai-Alyt."

I bit my lip and said nothing.

"Tell me why, Anla'Shok Devon," he thundered.

Now I had to, couldn't disobey a direct order. And I couldn't lie.

"We're trying to get out of this mess. All of us are ... reluctant to bond with the Shai-Alyt, so we try to convince him that we are not worthy of him so he will look elsewhere. I talk back to him because I'm relatively safe. I mean, it's hardly a secret what Warrior Caste Minbari think about humans. He wouldn't choose me."

Sech Turval fiddled with his walking-stick. I eyed it warily, generations of Rangers lived in fear of it. He usually whacked you with it if you fell asleep during meditation.

"I take it you came up with this gok-brained scheme?"

"Yes, Sech Turval, I talked the others into it."

"Very well. I shall inform Sech Durhan of this. And I will not offer this information to the Shai-Alyt; but I will not lie if I am asked a direct question."

I blinked a few times and then beamed at him. He was on our side.

I bowed low.

"Thank you, Sech Turval."

He nodded at me tersely.

"We shall speak of this no more," he said and left.

The girls and I grinned at each other, and we went to our respective rooms. I had one of my own, since I was keeper of the archives. I even had a shower (the guest rooms were equipped with those too, since some visitors were human) and a flat, human style bed. I checked my messages (still nothing from my parents) and went to bed in the balmy peace of a Tuzanor night, quieting the voice inside my head that insisted that I had gotten myself into terrible trouble.

...

So we continued our charade with the blessing of our teachers and trainers; like exhaling and then doing push-ups (results in a beautiful, flushed face and a heart rate that goes through the sky – but you need to be really fit to pull that one off), triggering lots of alarms during the stealth exercises, repeatedly killing the poor dummy we were practising first aid on. A malfunction appeared in the Shai-Alyt's quarters (the environmental controls) and Laval offered to fix it for him. With the result of everything in the quarters being soaked by a water-pipe that she had _accidentally_ opened.

We were of course very apologetic about everything and offered to take care of his soaked clothes; but he, and for the life of me I couldn't imagine why, glowered at us, declined, and handed the task to his aides.

Our reputation was, of course, shot to hell, but that didn't scare us. The thought of him getting wind of this ... was another matter entirely though.

He did, of course.

I knew something was up when a Warrior Caste Minbari I recognized as one of the Shai-Alyt's aides entered the library and asked me (politely!) to follow him. I did so and he led me to the new temporary quarters of the Shai-Alyt in the guest wing (the old ones were still a little moist, I guessed).

Coplann turned away from the window as I entered the room and bowed.

"You asked to see me," I asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Yes I did. Sech Turval was very good at misleading me for a while, but I finally asked the right questions. I know what is going on here."

Oh shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshit.

I grimaced.

"You couldn't have assumed this to work indefinitely?"

There was a faint mockery in his voice as he said that.

"It was worth a try, Shai-Alyt."

"But why did you do it? Why involve yourself in a Minbari matter?"

I looked down. He hadn't offered me a cup of tea as was custom among the Minbari, hadn't even asked me to sit. He was being incredibly rude and he knew I was aware of that; and now this. I was just as much a Ranger as any of the Minbari! My answer came through gritted teeth.

"We are Rangers. It is a well known fact that we live for the One and that we die for the One. Well, here's another perhaps not so well-known fact; we look out for each other."

His lips turned upwards in a mocking smile.

"Indeed. Then perhaps it will interest you that I have made my decision among you."

My eyes grew wide.

"Not Tavin. Please tell me it's not Tavin!"

Coplann's face was unreadable.

"As I have said; I have made my decision and nothing you could say or do will change it. I will proclaim it tomorrow. You may leave now."

Like in a daze I bowed and fled his presence.

...

  



	3. Chapter 3

 

Title: Strings Attached

Author: owlet

Rating: M (maybe not really, I just want to be sure)

Disclaimer: JMS wrote everything B5, Warner Brothers® gave it a place to stay (at least for a while, sigh) nothing here is mine

Babblerama: Who Are You And What Do You Want, here's the resolution of the "who's it gonna be" – dilemma.

All the other readers (I know where the stats-page is, and I know you are there) please tell me what you think.

 

 

**3**

My Musketeers were waiting for me near my quarters.

"Andrea, what did he say?"

That was the first time I had heard Tavin actually sounding scared. I let us into my quarters and busied myself making tea. After I had served it I told them about my conversation with the Shai-Alyt.

"Tomorrow? But who will it be?"

I looked at Sovann, who had asked the question.

"I have no idea. He didn't let anything on, could be any of us. I'm sorry, I really don't know."

I tried not to look at Tavin. Technically he hadn't said anything definitive, but the way he'd adamantly refused to reconsider his decision after my plea not to choose her could only lead to one conclusion.

My friends quickly finished their tea and left; I cleaned the table and went to bed. Sleep? No, no sleep. A good thing maybe – who knows what I would have seen in my dreams that night.

...

Four decidedly peaky looking Musketeers made their way to the great hall of the temple in the next morning. The proverbial axe was about to fall, and one of my friends was doomed. To be forced to spend the rest of one's life with someone so cold, so intimidating, someone with so little regard for the feelings of others – it was a fate too terrible to contemplate. We ended up standing rather close, and I felt for Tavin's hand. She held onto mine, hidden by the folds of our cloaks.

Nobody seemed to notice, as all eyes turned to The Shai-Alyt who entered the hall in the full regalia of the Zha'den na of the Moon Shields and started to speak.

"Valen's Ban has been reinstated, and Minbari no longer kill Minbari. To symbolize this new peace a union will be formed between the Anla'Shok and the Warrior Caste."

He paused for a moment.

"This conflict started because some of us were not ready to accept that the humans will be a significant part of the future of our people. We have much to teach each other, and there is much that we will share in the future. I am honoured to serve my people in this way, to help making this peace a lasting one, and to prevent the repetition of past mistakes. I hope my chosen one will hold the same sentiments."

What was that supposed to mean? He had shown nothing but contempt for humans in general and me in particular so far. And now he was talking about our importance for the Minbari in the future? My friends and I exchanged a puzzled glance.

He moved over to where we were standing.

"Anla'Shok Devon," he said.

I froze, wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

Me?

A panicked and slightly hysterical voice inside my head did the shitshitshitshitshit-thing again. I tried to silence it, and managed to close my mouth.

Me?

I looked around for help, or at least a clue for what I was supposed to do now, but everyone looked just as surprised.

Me?

I realized that he was waiting for an answer. Theoretically I could tell him "hell no" and be done with it; but realistically ... to spurn him would mean offending the whole Warrior Caste, and destroying all the hard work my fellow Rangers had done in the past months. Entil'Zha looked at me with pleading eyes. People have died, they said, and even more people will die if you don't make the right decision now.

I took a deep breath.

"I ... I'm sorry, I was just surprised, I guess. I agree, of course."

The Shai-Alyt's face was as unreadable as usual.

"Very well."

Entil'Zha Delenn joined us.

"Shai-Alyt Coplann ra Shaibar'nik, you have made your offer, and it has been accepted. As the Entil'Zha of the Anla'Shok, I give you permission to begin the courtship rituals."

The Shai-Alyt looked surprised and I released a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding. She had just granted me a reprieve. Minbari courtship rituals were very complex (over fifty, but everything depended on who's clan was more prominent and how the families stood to each other...) and since this was more or less an arranged match they were greatly abbreviated, but to go from one stage to the next needed the consent of both participants. There was no way I could let it fail, but I could delay the whole mess beautifully. And Andrea Felice Devon had procrastination down to an art form.

The first thing on the list was the Vit'waFal, the Sleepwatching Ritual. Warriors usually didn't bother with it, but the traditions of the female took precedence, and as a historian and musician I could be considered Religious Caste. It was a bit of a stretch, but I wasn't about to argue.

In the end we simply bowed to each other, and went our respective ways. As far as I was concerned the agonizing could wait until I was alone; so I decided to hide out in my quarters until I was ready to face everyone.

...

As soon as the door closed behind me I started to tremble; my legs no longer supported me, and I simply sank down to the floor. All those pranks we had played on the Shai-Alyt – and now he had a lifetime to get his revenge. Perhaps he had simply chosen me out of spite, and now I could do nothing to prevent him from taking out his frustrations on me. I was afraid, and very much so. Warrior Caste Minbari were not easy to get along with at the best of times; and I had repeatedly offended this one. My mind insisted on playing out one terrible scenario after another in an endless loop, and I started to sob uncontrollably. I got to my feet eventually and went to my console trying to get a connection to Earth.

Nothing.

I rarely had needed my parents as much as now; of course I couldn't get a connection going to talk to them. I wailed and hit the panel in frustration, only succeeding in hurting my hand.

The door-chime went off then.

"Who is it?"

"It is us. May we enter?"

My friends had come to share the misery.

"Yes, of course, come in," I said with a wobbly smile.

They filed in, closing the door behind them.

"Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, we would. And I am going to prepare it, you are going to sit down. Now."

It was strange how bossy this little priestess could be. She usually was so gentle, so serene. It took her only a few minutes until she handed each of us a cup. I grinned.

"Of course, whatever may happen to me – I'll never forget his face when you dropped the tea into his lap."

Sovann didn't return my smile.

"This may yet dearly cost you. He knows that these things were no accidents; perhaps you will now have to suffer for our deeds."

I sighed.

"I know, Sovann. Believe me, I know. So, what is known about him," I asked to change the topic.

"Well, he is the Zha'den na of the Moon Shields. His whole life he served his clan and his people proudly and diligently," Tavin said.

"Yes, but what about him? Any known personality quirks I should know about?"

Tavin shot me a confounded look.

"That is very private, Andrea. You will have to find that out for yourself. I am sorry, but only someone close to him would be able to tell you that."

Ah well, sometimes I forgot that I was dealing with Minbari.

...

I managed to delay the first ritual for two days; then I had to face it. Literally. The Minbari believed that in sleep one's True Face emerged; so the female spent three nights holding vigil over her sleeping intended, and watched his face.

Fortunately those nights didn't need to be connected, and there was still room for a little procrastination on my part.

I was pretty nervous, understandably, I guess. It took me about an hour to get a Thermos-flask of coffee and myself over to his quarters. A stone-faced guard let me in and I went into the proverbial lion's den.

The Shai-Alyt was waiting for me in the sitting area on the couch that was fitted into one corner of the room, teapot and two cups in front of him on a low table. He didn't wear his usual attire but what I recognized as a sleeping robe. It was black too, but looked softer and didn't close as high up as his usual clothes.

He rose as I entered and bowed.

"Anla'Shok Devon. Please have a seat."

I nodded and sat on the other half of the couch. He poured a cup of tea and gave it to me, using both hands in a very formal, respectful gesture. I tried not to touch him as I accepted the cup and succeeded. It was customary not to breach any important subject until the guest hadn't at least taken one sip of tea. So I made a big deal out of blowing on the tea to cool it down, cursing my trembling hands.

After I had finally tasted it, he spoke again.

"I am sure you have questions."

I stared into my cup a little, avoiding his eyes. Of course I had questions, dozens, hundreds; but they all came down to one.

"Why me?"

"I thought, I had made myself clear."

"Yeah, I heard the reasons you gave in the temple, but you could have achieved your ends with any female, Minbari or human on any White-Star or at any Stronghold of the Anla'Shok. You could have taken your pick of them, perhaps even found somebody who'd really agree to have you."

His eyes crinkled a little.

"Yes, you are probably right."

"But you didn't. Why? Petty revenge? Love at first sight?"

He sat his cup down and laughed.

"Neither, I assure you. Before I even set foot out of my stronghold, I was handed the files of all suitable candidates. Yours was, shall we say, interesting."

I looked at him strangely.

"If you say so."

"You are a bit of an anomaly among the Anla'Shok. You have never strived to raise in rank, declined all offers of a command-position and simply stayed here to mind the archives. All in all very unremarkable. But you are very capable in an emergency, as one of my acquaintances told me who came across you and a broom of all things during an attack."

I blushed.

"Oh that. What had him more impressed, the broom or my plaid flannel pyjamas?"

"The way you told him off. You didn't really have a chance against him, but you grabbed a broom and proceeded to hit him because he..."

"...had disturbed one of the few nice dreams I'd had lately. Yes, I remember."

I had been a flannel-clad, sleep-deprived ball of fury that night. The warrior had been so surprised that I'd had the sheer gall to attack him with a broom, that I had been able to hold him off until Tavin came and rescued me.

"Anything else he said?"

He smiled at me.

"Just that your enthusiasm was commendable, even if your technique left something to be desired. And that he'd never heard such an extensive collection of Lenn'ah swearwords from a human before. Who taught you? Tavin I assume."

"You assume correctly," I mumbled into my tea, totally embarrassed.

"And that little scheme you implemented to put me off your friends, and encourage me to leave this place. You didn't have much time for preparations, but you command the loyalty of your friends to such an extent that they became inventive themselves. The fact that you planned all this, thinking that I would choose a Minbari, speaks for your own loyalty to your friends. You even defended them against me, and stood up to me. Loyalty, charisma, compassion, determination, courage and the ability to improvise; all of these are good qualities to have if you are to lead a clan."

I was floored. How typically Minbari. I had pegged him down as my enemy, and just assumed that he would think the same about me. It was now obvious that he didn't. Even though Minbari never told the whole truth, they never lied either, only perhaps to save a friend or superior; so I was fairly sure he really thought these things about me. Then his last sentence registered with me.

"To lead a clan?"

"Yes, of course. This would be one of your duties as my sala, taking an active leadership role, especially when I am away on other business."

"So, you are telling me that you've had your sights on me right from the beginning? That Tavin has been safe the whole time?"

"I never seriously considered her, because a few days before I left my clan-stronghold a very young, flustered Fire-Wing wanted to see me, and asked, no actually pleaded, that I left his love alone. Whatever you may think of me, I am not without compassion. These last few days I was on my worst behaviour to test you, but I am not your enemy, Andrea."

I did the award-winning goldfish-impression again.

"But, but you could have told her!"

He grinned at me mischievously.

"Certainly. But watching you fluffing up, hissing and spitting like a mother-gok, was simply too amusing."

I didn't know what to say, just eeped, and continued to gape at him. He in turn gave me a half-smile and emptied his cup.

"I will now retire for the night. If you please..."

He preceded me through the sliding-door that separated the sleeping area, waved me into a chair, and, as he was already in his sleeping robes, simply lay down on the tilted platform and closed his eyes.

And that was that.

I tried to get comfortable in the chair, and did what tradition required of me; I watched him, and not just his face either. I asked myself if Minbari females used the three night to check out their future husbands too, or if that was just my human pervyness coming out to play. Hm. Had to discuss that one with my friends later. Well, perhaps.

His body was deceptively slender as I had thought; I hadn't really been able to tell due to the many layers he usually wore. His elegant, long-fingered hands were folded over his stomach. I wondered if he was asleep yet, his instincts should make it difficult for him to fall asleep in the presence of a stranger. I shrugged to myself, and unscrewed my flask to take a sip of coffee.

He'd given me a lot to think about; so I did, watched, and waited.

Ah there. Maybe that was what they meant. His face gradually relaxed, and got softer, some of the lines disappearing. Minbari didn't have eyebrows, but I noticed that Coplann had eyelashes many human women would kill for to have. I grinned and took another sip of my coffee, a very silly picture of him running from an enraged crowd of alleged beauty-queens in my head.

His lips parted slightly. When he was awake, they were usually pinched in annoyance (at least as far as I had seen), but now they looked generous; almost...

Sensual.

I recoiled. I did not just think that. No way, no.

There was a certain river in Egypt – and I was in even deeper trouble than I had thought.

Drinking some of my coffee to calm my nerves, I looked over at him again. There was a faint sheen of moisture on his skin which meant that he was definitely asleep. Minbari didn't sweat (and were thus more susceptible to high temperatures than humans) but exuded a fluid in their sleep that rid them of toxins and such much as human sweat did. They removed it (and the upper layer of their epidermis) with a certain chemical compound every few days in a ritual of cleansing and rebirth.

So I sat watching, thinking ,and drinking coffee, until a faint light appeared in the sky.

...


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

 

“Andrea.”

Somebody shook my shoulder.

“Andrea.”

I blearily opened my eyes and almost jumped out of my skin.

Coplann stood over me withdrawing his hand from my shoulder when he felt me flinch.

“You were supposed to hold vigil.”

I frowned at him.

“I was. The last thing I remember is light appearing in the sky and my coffee being gone.”

“Still, to fall asleep in the chair...”

He was teasing me, somehow I could tell.

“Why, did I drool?”

I mentally slapped myself. When had I gotten comfortable enough about him to crack jokes in his presence?

He just chuckled and shook his head before moving past me to the bathroom. I got out of the chair (every bone protesting) and decided to disappear real quiet-like.

 

...

 

My Musketeers were waiting for me in the library.

“And?”

Laval, of course. She looked innocent but had a wicked sense of humour.

“I fell asleep.”

She dissolved in laughter.

“Oh, do not worry, You have another two tries,” she giggled; the eyes of the other two Minbari women also sparkled with mirth. I just shook my head.

“Well, if you don't mind, I didn't get much sleep and have duties to attend to anyway,” I said archly starting my console.

"All right, we will leave you to it; you know where to find us, if you need anything,” Tavin said putting a hand on my shoulder. I covered it briefly with mine.

“Yes of course, my friend. Thank you.”

She smiled and shooed the others out.

I started my work and got lost in it until early afternoon; then my stomach was grumbling for attention. The mess-hall was crowded as usual when I got there for a late lunch. Avoiding all the strange looks sent my way, I decided not to join one of the tables, but to take my meal outside. I had it packed and went to a secluded part of the garden; the weather was nice and I had my lunch in peace, throwing the last crumbs to the birds. After that I settled down to meditate. Some people found it easier to do this in the peace and quiet of their quarters, focussing on a flame, but I had always been drawn to nature to help me center myself.

It started to rain after a while, of course. I was usually lucky like that, but the weather was mild and the rain soft and warm; so I stayed and let it soak me to the skin. I had a great view of the temple from where I was sitting, and watched people try and dodge the raindrops, and rain-clouds chase each other. Banning all doubts from my mind I simply was; and was at peace for the first time in days.

Eventually I got up and made my way back, dripping all over the place.

 

...

 

Two days went by very quickly in between work, training, and trying to hide. I knew, I'd eventually have to stop - but not yet.

So there I was, back in the chair watching Coplann's face.

He was troubled this time, his dreams seemed unpleasant at best. What had happened to him, what had he seen that haunted him so? His hands twitched, and his breathing was laboured.

Should I wake him? Was I supposed to? Besides, waking up a warrior who was having a nightmare was usually not a clever thing to do.

I bit my lip and moved my chair closer to his sleeping-platform. Silently I counted to three and carefully reached for his hand. Coplann didn't wake up but curled his fingers around mine in an almost painful grip; his sleep quieted after that, though he didn't release my hand for the rest of the night.

So I sat and watched his face, and the deep sadness etched into it.

 

...

 

Coplann gave our linked hands a puzzled look when he woke up.

I shrugged.

“You seemed to have bad dreams,” I explained and pulled my hand from his.

“Yes, I remember. Thank you,” he said quietly.

I looked up to him.

“What were they about, what is it you have to relive at night?”

He smiled at me tightly and got up.

“The time will come when I will tell you, but not yet.”

Curiouser and curiouser.

I was deep in thought when I left his quarters a moment later. My friends had not been able (or willing) to tell me much about him other than the facts that were publicly known; that he was loyal, honourable, and the leader of his clan. That was, by Minbari standards, nothing special. But that he volunteered for this task was quite unusual; as was his choice, a.k.a. me (and let's not forget that he had his mind made up almost completely before even arriving at the Ranger-facility). Besides, and that still threw me for a loop a little, he had totally changed his behaviour towards me. Where he had been unpleasant, cold, and rude, he was now respectful, even cordial.

I needed to talk to somebody. My mind made up, I turned my steps towards the temple.

“Sovann, do you have a minute?”

My friend looked up from her task of folding together a cloth hanger after some ritual or another.

“Yes, certainly. Where would you like to go?”

Ah, Sovann, she always knew what was up with others.

“The gardens, I think,” I answered, and we left the temple to go to my favourite spot. We went there in silence for which I was quite grateful, it gave me a chance to further sort out some of those complicated inside-my-head-brain-processes.

“Sorry for dropping this on you, Sovann, but I didn't know who else to talk to. Laval would think everything terribly funny, and Tavin won't see my problem, I'm afraid.”

Sovann smiled and took my hand.

“It is tradition to seek an advisor when beginning a courtship. Do not worry yourself so, I would be honoured to help you through this. You tried to save us from this and in the process landed yourself in the middle. The least I could do is listen and give advice, should I have any to offer.”

I grinned and sighed in relief.

“Well, as it seems all our worries have been for naught. He was already fairly sure it would be me before he came. So I made you go through that for nothing, I'm sorry about that.”

“You couldn't have known, Andrea. We were all very surprised.”

I sighed.

“Well, and the way he's treating me now; the courtesy is in a way more scary then the insults.”

“If he is treating you with courtesy now, he will continue to do so. There is nothing to fear,” Sovann said, sounding a little confused.

“Other than a loveless relationship? I'm going to live at the Moon Shield stronghold. All alone, surrounded by strangers, bound to a Warrior Caste Minbari who sees me as a duty, as a commodity. The thought of him touching me during the Shan-Fal, the thought of being totally vulnerable makes my skin crawl and scares me more than I can say.”

“Do you find him physically repulsive?”

I thought about her question for a while and decided to tell her the truth.

“No, I think he's kind of attractive, actually. That opens a totally different can of worms.”

“That's not so bad. You just don't know him very well yet and don't trust him; so you feel vulnerable. Give yourself time to get to know him, everything will be fine.”

I sighed.

“Okay. Fine. But how will things progress? I don't want to send the wrong signals.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have no idea what's appropriate behaviour and what isn't. Last night when he had bad dreams, I held his hand. Was that even acceptable, or was that something I shouldn't have done?”

Sovann smiled at me reassuringly.

“You did nothing wrong. It was a gesture of compassion meant to comfort, which he accepted. If he didn't trust you, you never would have been able to touch him in his sleep.”

“Yes, I had wondered about that too. I half expected to be thrown across the room,” I joked feebly.

Sovann just continued to smile.

“Anything else that worries you?”

“Uh, yes. I was wondering... what will, I mean, how far will things go before the Shan-Fal?”

Sovann shrugged.

“Couples usually move at their own pace. Everything that does not involve taking off clothes is fine; those come off after the Shan-Fal is complete; ideally after the Na'fak-Cha.”

“Oh.”

“You need not worry. You are the female, you set the pace. You initiate things.”

I blinked at her.

“So he won't do anything?”

“Not without your permission. All steps of a courtship must be taken in mutual agreement, and it is usually the female who takes the initiative. But that doesn't mean he will not encourage you. You took a step forward last night when you held his hand, so holding hands is now acceptable between you.”

“Oh.”

Good intentions, road to hell...

“So he might take advantage of that to make you more comfortable. Comfortable enough to take the next step. And he might generally try to make your life easier, little things to show that he cares.”

Ah yes, right. Would have to be more careful in the future, much, much more careful.

 

...

 

Sovann had been right. It was small things; like one of Coplann's aides bringing my lunch to the library the next day. The sudden availability of my favourite brand of tea from Earth in the mess-hall. A subtle reduction of my workload.

This reeked of high-handed meddling, but it made me smile; Coplann was being very thoughtful – in a pompous kind of way.

I decided to let it slide when we met in the evening for the third and final time of me watching his true-face. We had tea as before, and I filled the silence with tales about the various antics and exploits of Sech Turval's goks, which made his eyes crinkle. After we had finished our tea, we made our way to his bedroom (I tried very hard not to think about the implications – and even harder not to blush), and I seated myself in my customary chair.

All right, one last time, I thought, and unscrewed my flask of coffee.

No unpleasant dreams tonight, judging by the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. In the end I kept my hands to myself and tried not to think about what his lips would feel like.

Hours later I was yawning so hard my jaw cracked as he woke.

“Sorry, I'm just bone tired,” I said as soon as I was able to close my mouth again.

“I am not offended. Would you please wait for me this time? There are things we need to discuss.”

I nodded.

“All right.”

So he went and to do his daily cleansing-ritual, and I went to the living room, plopping down on the couch. Of course I was asleep within moments.

 

...

 

I woke quite some time later to the sound of serene music. Something soft and black covered me as I lay on the couch curled up like a cat. Coplann was sitting nearby, reading something. He looked up as he heard me move around.

“What time is it?” I asked with a yawn.

“Early afternoon,” he answered with a smile.

I jumped.

“Why didn't you wake me? I should have been at the library hours ago; I'm going to be in worlds of trouble!” I ranted, trying to extricate myself from the black fabric covering me which turned out to be a cloak.

“Calm down. I informed your superiors, and they were very understanding.”

I stilled.

“About that. You really have to stop meddling in my work life. Not that I don't appreciate the lunch deliveries, but brow-beating my superiors into granting me favours is taking things a little too far.”

He sighed.

“As you wish. Maybe you'd consider joining me for dinner?”

I blinked. That had come out really innocently. Sneaky. Sharing a meal alone was the next ritual, and he'd almost had me agreeing; he was sounding so relaxed about it.

“Er, no. Another time,” I said, and left quickly.

Was it just my imagination, or did he look disappointed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the fourth part, next will be up as soon as i typed it :)  
> Thank you for reading, please tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Here's the next one. As always not betaed - I'm still looking for someone to de-gnome this story. Please contact me, if you'd like to!

**5**

Sovann just smiled as I told her about it the next day. She was visiting the archives to get some information on the first Rangers, and I had taken the opportunity to talk to her while helping her find what she was looking for.  
“I told you that he might subtly try to move things along,” she said.  
“But he's so nice to me – that worries me a little. I don't know, if...” I let my voice trail off as I typed another query.  
“If he is being sincere?” Sovann finished my sentence, catching my hands.  
“Yes,” I sighed, feeling a bit stupid. When had this become a teenage drama?  
Sovann shook her head and grinned.  
“You spent three nights watching his true face. What was it like?”  
I shrugged.  
“Nice, I guess.”  
The little priestess beamed at me.  
“So there.”  
I withdrew my hands, finished the query and helped her find the right scrolls.

...

The Rangers as such were pretty supportive – a discrete wriggle of eyebrows was the worst I got (I usually responded with a grin, and a gesture involving two fingers).  
All seemed to be going well until the inevitable happened and the most fanatic of the Warrior Caste, the Wind Swords, sent a delegation in protest.  
I'll never know how I happened to cross their path in the gardens, I guess I'm just lucky that way.  
They surrounded me quickly, all five of them. I really was in deep, deep doodoo this time.  
“That is the little nishai, isn't it?” one of them sneered.  
Animal. He'd just called me an animal. This was going to get really ugly. My hand went to my belt. Where was my den'bok? In my quarters. I felt safe in the Ranger compound and rarely ever carried a weapon here. Stupid, stupid, stupid.  
“I don't know,” one of the two females drawled, “they all look the same to me. Scrawny little thing, isn't she?”  
I tried to get away, but I was grabbed from behind, and my head was pulled back by my braid to expose my neck.  
“Let me go,” I said, trying to sound calm.  
Something pointy touched my throat. Wrist knives.  
Oh joy.  
I only got a sneer in response.  
“Who will miss you, little nishai? No one,” the Minbari threatening me hissed into my ear.  
I closed my eyes. The only thing we do know is that we will die; not when, how, or whether it will be with honour...  
I would not beg for my life.  
“What do you think you are doing?”  
I knew that voice. And, boy, was I glad to hear it.  
“Releasing you from a burden, Shai-Alyt,” the female who had spoken before said. “We understand why you chose her, but you must be glad to get rid of her.”  
“You understand nothing,” Coplann hissed.  
I never, ever wanted that tone directed at me. Ever.  
“You are insulting the Anla-Shok by treating one of theirs this way. This may mean nothing to you, but you are also insulting me; and that should mean something. Now release my Sa'Fela and get out of my sight.”  
He came into my view then, all sleek, deadly grace, exuding danger. The sight of him like that almost made the bottom drop out of my stomach – and he was on my side!  
The Wind Swords obeyed immediately and disappeared down one of the winding paths; I numbly stared at their retreating backs in shock, my heart thundering inside my chest.  
“Andrea?” Coplann asked, reaching for my hand. The steel was wrapped in velvet again. “Were you harmed?”  
I avoided his eyes.  
“No, I'm fine. It's all my fault anyway, I left my den'bok in my quarters,” I mumbled.  
“Do you really think it would have made any difference? Wind Swords specialize in close combat.”  
“Maybe not,” I said with a grimace, and looked up.  
He seemed relaxed, and the humorous twinkle was back in his eyes.  
I sighed.  
“Thank you. But you do realise that this Wind Sword was right, do you? You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble, if you had just let them finish me off.”  
He rolled his eyes at that, one of the gestures Minbari and humans shared.  
“Let it go, Andrea. Come, have dinner with me. Invite your friends along; it won't count as a courtship ritual that way.  
He was on to me. Damn.  
“No, it's all right,” I said with a shake of my head, “I'll have dinner with you. Alone.”  
“Good,” he said with a satisfied expression on his face.  
I quickly changed the topic as we made our way to his quarters.  
“I thought you were pretty scary, back there,” I said.  
“Thank you,” he replied with a grin, “So did they.”  
We shared a look and I snickered.  
Dinner was served within minutes. I was a little surprised.  
“You had this planned, did you?”  
“No, but I like being prepared.” he said with a smirk, “Try the Flarn, it's delicious.”  
I shrugged and did; and it was.  
Coplann simply looked at me, obviously considering something.  
“Do you trust me?” he asked after a few moments of silence, every hint of humour gone from his voice.  
That threw me for a loop a bit.  
“Why? What's wrong?”  
“Please, just answer the question; do you trust me?” he asked gently.  
I swallowed.  
“Well,” I hedged, “I guess so. In a way. I don't think you'd deliberately harm me.”  
He nodded slowly, as if he'd been expecting that answer.  
“I would have liked to give you all the time you needed to adjust; but it seems like we no longer have that luxury.”  
Whoa...  
“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously.  
“Andrea, I know that you are less than happy with this situation; and I know that you are trying to delay the inevitable as much as possible. And I don't blame you for that,” he said earnestly, his voice and face compassionate.  
I bit my lip and averted my eyes. He really was on to me. Damn.  
“Please, it's obvious,” he continued, “And I don't mind. I've had much longer to come to terms with this, and it was me who made this decision; it is only fair to let you come to terms with our bond at your own time.”  
And here I'd been thinking that I'd been clever. I hid my face in my hands in embarrassment.  
Coplann reached over the table, took my hands, and pulled them away from my face.  
“And now the Wind Swords made their move, they tried to kill you. Obviously they hadn't thought that I'd be willing to protect you, or they would have tried to assassinate you in secret.”  
I nodded and met his eyes.  
“And they might yet try that.”  
“Yes.”  
I groaned. I had an inkling of where this was going.  
“Andrea, I will not pressure you into anything, just please keep in mind that you will only be truly safe once our bond is finalised.”  
Oh?  
“And why is that?” I asked.  
“As soon as you are my sala, and the bond is registered in the archives of Yedor, there will be no questioning your status as a Minbari. And Minbari...”  
“... do not kill Minbari.” I finished for him. “I get it.”  
“Yes.”  
I looked down at my plate. It was almost empty.  
“I... I need to think about this, Coplann,” I said.  
“Of course,” he replied serenely.  
“Thanks. Good night, I suppose. And my apologies. First meals are supposed to go better than this, I suppose; without one of the participants storming out on confusion,” I quipped with a weak smile.  
“We will improve over the years,” he replied with a lopsided grin.  
I grimaced. That was so not what I needed to hear at the moment.  
“Please don't remind me. Bye.”  
Exit Andrea stage left side.

...

Just when I thought that everything was going all right (sort of), there were Wind Swords out for my blood, Coplann had seen right through me, and that voice inside my head was at it again with shitshitshitshitshit.  
All right, we needed that shared meditation ASAP – but the thought of visiting his parents made me feel quite queasy. The thought of taking him to Earth to meet mine even more so. I settled in my quarters and tried a little meditation (the gardens seemed like too much of a risk), but it didn't work. I was in too much turmoil.  
Tavin – yes, visiting Tavin seemed like a good idea. She was the stoic one, almost nothing ever fazed her. I just hoped that she had time for me; involved in her own courtship as she was.  
She was; not alone, that is.  
Tavin and her companion bowed to me, which I did as well, and they asked me in. Then, proper Minbari that they were, they offered me some tea, which I gladly accepted.  
We drank.  
As most Ranger quarters Tavin's room was sparse and neat, only some exotic weapons decorating the walls hinted at her Warrior Caste background. Laval and I were the exception to that rule – my quarters were usually cluttered with scrolls and data crystals (I was working on an account of the Civil War in addition to my duties in the archives), and Laval's with whatever she was tinkering with at the moment.  
She introduced me to her companion, Nelenn, the young Firewing in question, and, direct as always, asked me what was wrong. I told her about the attack on me and Coplann's ominous news.  
After I had finished, Tavin just sat there, thinking, and Nelenn shook his head.  
“They never learn, do they?” he said, sounding exasperated. “Shakiri led them, all of us, to dishonour – how can they think to regain what was lost by continuing to follow his cursed path?”  
I just had to smile. He was like an overeager puppy, all huge, liquid eyes and sincere, worried expression.  
“Hm,” I said, leaning back in my chair, “So the rest of the Warrior Caste doesn't share their views?”  
He shook his head.  
“No. Most of us aren't too fond of humans, but we have come to respect them.”  
I nodded. So it really was just one clan. That in itself was bad enough, but at least it wasn't the whole caste ganging up on me. But they wouldn't lift a finger to help me either.  
“Other than that,” Tavin interjected, “I think Coplann is right. You should progress with the courtship as quickly as possible to ensure your safety.”  
I sighed.  
“Tavin, do you know what that means for me?” I asked, my voice shrill in my own ears.  
My friend just shrugged and gave me a level look.  
“Better than being dead, no?”  
“That I'm not sure about,” I quipped.  
Nelenn came to my rescue.  
“We will both try to collect information so you'll be forewarned. We have many friends in all the Warrior clans. Between Coplann and us you will be kept safe, do not worry.”  
I was quite relieved to hear that.  
“Thank you, Both of you,” I said with what felt like the first genuine smile that day.  
Since I didn't want to disturb them any longer, I excused myself and left.  
My feet carried me back to my quarters, where I checked my com-console. A couple of Minbari jokes from Laval – she'd never give up on trying to make me get Minbari humour), a request from Ranger Cole to find some obscure information for him ... and a request from Coplann to meet him at the temple later.  
And still no connection to Earth.  
All right, I thought, the temple it is.

...

Coplann was waiting for me near the entrance to the temple.  
“Prepared something again? A shared meditation, by chance?” I asked with a grin.  
“Now that you mention it, “he answered, shrugging his shoulders elegantly. “The priests are available this evening for such a ceremony. But if you'd like to postpone it...”  
“No, it's fine,” I grumbled, “Let's get this over with.”  
“That is hardly the appropriate mindset, Andrea,” Coplann said with a reproachful look in my direction as we entered the temple together. It was small, and I found it rather cosy in spite of its angular, minimalistic design. But maybe it was because this place reminded me of my friend Sovann – I had spent a lot of time here with her, exploring Minbari spirituality.  
I sighed.  
“Sorry. You know, unlike the other rituals, I might actually need this one.”  
“So it would seem,” he replied drily, “This way.”  
A priest appeared and led us to a secluded chamber. A few oil lamps and candles were casting a soft light, and the subtle scent of incense was in the air.  
Coplann and I settled on the two prepared cushions and were left alone after a short invocation of Valen.  
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.  
And was acutely aware of Coplann's presence. Damn, so much for peace of mind.  
Right. Breathing technique. In... out. In... out. Glade in the summer, quiet pond in the middle of it. Grass beneath me, humming insects around me. The warmth of the sun on my skin. It was so much easier to do this in the gardens... Focus on the pond. It is deep, dark, and not a ripple on the surface.  
Peace.  
Now what? The beginning. Why didn't I want to be in the situation I was in? I didn't want to get hurt again. The same thing that had driven me to the Rangers. I had really thought I'd escape all this love nonsense here. I'd kept the human males at a distance, and had made friends with Minbari mostly. I liked them in general, and my friends in particular. And something inside of me totally balked at the thought of getting closer to Coplann. Why? A relationship based on necessity and mutual respect, maybe even friendship. Why was I so dead-set against it?  
It came down to this: I still, after everything that had happened to me in the past, wanted to love and be loved.  
It was as simple as it was terrible.  
I had set myself up for the biggest heartbreak of all, was doomed and in deep, deep doodoo.  
I swallowed.  
Maybe Coplann would find that amusing, or, and that would be really horrible, he'd pity me.  
No. Go through with this, yes, tell him about this, no.  
No way.  
I would try to lock this up somewhere deep inside my heart.  
I opened my eyes and looked around. Everything was still the same, only the shrinking of the candles and the sinking oil level in the lamps marked the passing of time.  
“Andrea?”  
I jumped a little and looked at the object of my contemplation.  
“Was the ritual as helpful as you had hoped?” Coplann asked quietly.  
I bit my lip and turned away.  
“Things are a lot clearer to me now. It remains to be seen if that's a rood thing,” I replied morosely.  
“Whatever the revelation you had was, you do not seem very happy about it.”  
“No, I'm not,” I said, and got up. Suddenly I found the room stifling. “Can we please leave?”  
Coplann rose to his feet as well and gave me an encouraging smile.  
“Of course. The gardens?”  
I nodded. Yes, the gardens were my safe haven, and I needed them right now. Funny that he'd picked up on that.  
“I will accompany you. As long as the situation does not change, I insist that you don't go anywhere alone. Always take someone with you.”  
I nodded. He made sense, as usual.  
We sat down on a bench beneath a tree that resembled a weeping willow; only it had big, blue blossoms adorning its hanging branches which formed a sweet-smelling, enclosed space.  
It was disturbingly romantic.  
Coplann seemed deep in thought, so I left him to his ruminations and tried to enjoy the scenery.  
“What is it you are so afraid of?” he suddenly asked, startling me.  
I decided to pull a Minbari and not lie – but not tell the whole truth either.  
“Being alone, I suppose. Living in a stronghold full of irascible, arrogant, xenophobic warriors does not exactly sound desirable to me.”  
“Nobody will dare to show you any disrespect,” Coplann replied, sounding a little confused.  
I sighed.  
“Perhaps not. But only because they respect you, not me,” I said, trying my best not to sound whiny.  
“You will eventually win their respect and their friendship. That is only a matter of time,” he tried to reassure me.  
I looked at him doubtfully.  
“You think?”  
Coplann reached for my hand and squeezed it gently.  
“Well, I am one of those irascible, arrogant, xenophobic warriors, am I not? And you've certainly won my respect. If I may call you a friend, I would be glad.”  
I looked away.  
“But this isn't about friendship, isn't it?” I asked and bit my lip. I really hadn't meant to say that. Stupid.  
Coplann shot me a quizzical look.  
“Why wouldn't it be?” he asked, “Andrea, wherever we might go, don't you think that friendship would be a good place to start from?”  
He was right.  
I nodded, and we fell silent, watching the stars rise around us.  
Holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today! :D I hope you had fun reading it. Next time it's meet-the-parents-day!
> 
> Thanks for reading, please tell me what you think!


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